So, are you someone who beats yourself up when you get something wrong?

If you have a habit of berating yourself if you don't come up to the expectation you have set for yourself, you are probably typical of many UK adults.   In fact in terms of league tables around the world the UK is near the bottom of the list for showing self-compassion. Think about it - we are known for a "stiff upper lip" and a "pull yourself together" attitude and there is no room for being kind and compassionate to ourselves.  So beat yourself up, whip yourself into shape and get on with it!!   How does that make you feel inside when you do that to yourself?   I imagine you feel pretty awful.   The worst part about this is that our thoughts create matching chemical releases in the body, so we start to release a flood of unwelcome hormones into the body.  If we continue to do this day in day out this can set us up for illness and potentially in the long term to disease.

I was listing to Kristen Neff PHD on a recent online psychology conference talking on this subject (she's well worth looking up) and she was talking about the latest findings on experiments done with self compassion.  The practices employed helped to decrease feelings of shame, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and negative states of mind and to increase happiness, creativity, positive states of mind and motivation.

Kristen suggests that there are three parts to Self-Compassion and you need to do all three for the practice to work well.

1.  Treat yourself with kindness, warmth and support - just like you would a good friend or a loved pet.

2.  Recognise that everyone is imperfect and make mistakes.   Perfection is an illusion. 

3.  Take a mindful approach.  Notice what you are thinking and saying to yourself without judgement.   Notice you are in pain and how that feels but then let it go.   You don't have to hold on to these feelings.   They are there for a reason to prompt you to make changes, that's all.

By combining all three parts together you have a better chance of impacting positively on your mind, wellbeing and health.  Why not give it a go?    Talk to others about this and see if you can help each other to remember at times of adversity or when 'mistakes' happen.

I find the more I am compassionate to myself the more I am compassionate to others and vice versa, so its a win-win all round.   Let's ripple out compassion during May, especially as we start to mingle more with others and accept that we all have different attitudes to many things that are going on at the moment.

  Namaste